If I Died Today, Would I Go To Ace Hardware?
I got some really exciting news this week on Wednesday. I'm not sure if I should be telling you, but I've got to tell somebody. Here's what I know so far.
On Wednesday, I received this email to my Gmail address.
I've been chosen! Ace Hardware has chosen me! For what, I'm not exactly sure. But it certainly sounds exciting.
I spent the next day and a half preparing myself for whatever excitement awaited for Ace's chosen one. But nothing happened. I started wondering if maybe I was getting ahead of myself.
Then, on Friday, I received this follow up.
Well, no wonder I was chosen! I have a gift! And Ace Hardware recognizes and appreciates my unique gift.
Surely this is The Sign I've been waiting for to give my life purpose and direction. This is my True Calling.
I'll be waiting patiently for my next message from Ace Almighty, spending my days making copies of keys, as is tradition.
Update: 4/11/2023
In case you have doubts about my interpretation of the Ace Hardware email canon, I just received verification.
